On muck up day, which is the last day the sixth years have to come into school ever in their whole lives, they always find some trick to play on me relating to bananas.
I don't like bananas.
I don't mean I view them with detached disinterest, or mild dislike.
Actually, come to think of it, I hate them.
I don't like yellow or brown, your traditional banana colours. Nobody looks good in brown, lets face it, that's the colour of faeces, or mud. And yellow just leeches the colour from your skin, it makes you look jaundiced. I was jaundiced as a baby (there was something wrong with my liver) so my mother never got any of the "look how cute your lickle baby is!" type commentary women look forward to after giving birth. Nope, she had people looking into my pram and wrinkling up their noses in disgust.
"Ugh," said our next door neighbour, Mrs Phillips, "What's wrong with it?"
I don't like the shape of bananas either. Who wants to eat somet
Mrs Young goes to the park
Mrs Young had been called Mrs Young every day by everyone she met for as long as she could remember. Even her husband called her Mrs Young, and she called him Mr Young. This habit had begun on their wedding night, as a sort of joke, which soon became habit. She vaguely supposed that his mistress didn't call him Mr Young. They would be on more intimate terms. Which was presumably why Mr Young didn't divorce Mrs Young and make Mrs Wight the second Mrs Young. Because when you marry someone, that's all the intimacy gone. So Mrs Young supposed.
There was a point in time when Mr Wight had suggested that he and Mrs Young get their own back on their respective spouses and have an affair themselves. But Mrs Young didn't really see Mr Wight in that way. She also suspected that her having an affair would be nothing but a relief to her husband. He wasn't a bad man, and he took every care t
(colour = green).
One empty socket
Can be used for storing marbles
Maltesers, small rocks
And so on.
Rugby balls are a no-go
I lost the eye at sea
When I was a pirate.
We were heading back to 'Nam
To drink warm beer
And sail around paddyfields
And become communists.
Unfortunately (for all concerned)
We got there during a shoot for a new
Tartan Extreme movie
About a load of ninjas
Killing a bunch of pirates
In Da Nang.
None of my crew survived
They were all hacked to pieces
With samurai swords
Like in Kill Bill.
I'm only here today
Cause I screamed like a girl
Then played dead.
For eight weeks.
I was buried in an unmarked grave
Alongside the bloody remains
of my trusted friends.
There was Farley McGrew,
Jimmy La Fou,
Trevor and Stew,
Tina and Lou.
Amy and Fatty and Boab and Tam Faster.
Rachel and Jessie and Emmy and Mo,
Fifi and Cici and Sheridan Low,
Betty and Courtney and Harry and